Kurassier Posted November 17, 2003 Report Share Posted November 17, 2003 Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist? He doesn't believe there is a dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShadowKitsune Posted November 17, 2003 Report Share Posted November 17, 2003 Three more Dyslexic jokes: Did you hear about the dyslexic anorexic? He could only read thin books backwards. ============================= We are Dyslexia of Borg... Futility is Resistant... Your ass shall be laminated! ============================= (... and a personal fave ...) Dyslexics of the Universe - UNTIE! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurassier Posted November 17, 2003 Report Share Posted November 17, 2003 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sakarissa Posted November 17, 2003 Report Share Posted November 17, 2003 A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." Sakarissa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krelnett_of_Kraan Posted November 17, 2003 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2003 Someone please find Sakarissa's homeworld and shoot him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4aeog16 Posted November 17, 2003 Report Share Posted November 17, 2003 A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous -- yes. The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things -- your family, your partner, your health, your children -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. "The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. "Take care of the rocks first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sakarissa Posted November 17, 2003 Report Share Posted November 17, 2003 It's a good thing that my home system is only accessible through class Z warp points. Talk about a tough crowd. Sheesh. However, death threats will not deter me in the least. I am made of sterno.....uh, sterner stuff than that! These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. Sakarissa "Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurassier Posted November 17, 2003 Report Share Posted November 17, 2003 One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers." AMEN!! Step right up to your local StarBars, we are trying to get Sakarissa for some late night entertainment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laserwolf Posted November 17, 2003 Report Share Posted November 17, 2003 Once upon a time, there lived a group of people called Trids, and the Trids had a problem. On a mountain near their lush valley home lived a large giant, and he made the mountain impassable. Whenever a poor little Trid tried to leave, the giant would pick the trid up, and viciously throw the poor thing back to the valley. One day, however, the Trids got fed up. They called in a Rabbi and asked him to go up to the mountain with some Trids to see if he could persuade the monster to stop. So up they went, higher and higher, until at last they came to the dreaded mountain pass. Then suddenly the giant appeared, and picked up the first of 5 trids the Rabbi had with him, and kicked him down to the valley. "Wait!" yelled the Rabbi, but alas, one by one, all 5 trids ended back home. Then the giant turned and made ready to leave. "Hold it! Why didn't you kick me down there too?", asked the Rabbi. The Giant replied: "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sakarissa Posted November 17, 2003 Report Share Posted November 17, 2003 And the hits just keep on coming....... Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ... what? (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good) A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. Sakarissa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Arisen Posted November 18, 2003 Report Share Posted November 18, 2003 BATTLE CREEK, MI--After years of what he calls "a systematic effort to deprive me of eating cereal products," the Trix rabbit has brought a lawsuit against General Mills in a landmark case of species discrimination. In an emotional press conference, the rabbit told the media, "All I ever wanted was to be a regular customer of Trix... but because of my species, those bastards wouldn't let me buy their stupid cereal. So I am suing General Mills for discrimination and emotional damages." According to the rabbit, he made many attempts to purchase Trix cereal, only to be turned away by surly children who mocked him. He even went so far as to dress up in an array of disguises in an attempt to pass himself off as a human being, but was discovered each time at the last moment. The rabbit further stated that whenever the children found out his true identity, they heartlessly dismissed him with the statement, "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids." Over time, however, the slogan became more nasty, with the children shouting, "Beat it! You're different, so you can't have cereal," until it finally degenerated to "Goddamn rabbit--get out of here before I skin your fat bunny ass." Although most rabbits subsist on a simple diet of vegetables, the Trix rabbit argues that his desire for cereal should not be surprising. "I just wanted to try it once, you know, to get a little variety," he told the press. "I was getting a little tired of eating lettuce every frigging day." In possibly related stories, Count Chocula has sued Buffy the Vampire Slayer for assault and battery; Cap'n Crunch has been diagnosed with scurvy; and the St. Pauli girl has accused the Green Giant of sexual harassment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Griss Posted November 18, 2003 Report Share Posted November 18, 2003 The bishop of Batham Wells was worried. His bell-ringer Sam was late. Who will ring the bells to bring the faithful to worship?, he cried. Suddenly a stranger with no arms approached. 'I am Sam's brother, he sent me to ring the bells as he is ill'. 'But how can you ring the bells with no arms?' the bishop asked. 'Follow me' the stranger said, and they climbed the steps to the top of the bell-tower. Standing back against the wall, the stranger took a deep breath, and sprinted into the great bell, ringing it loudly. He then bounced off the bell, and fell screaming to his death in the courtyard below. The bishop rushed down the steps into the courtyard and ran up to the body, where a friar cried 'Bishop, did you know this man?' The bishop replied, 'No, but he's a dead ringer for his brother.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sakarissa Posted November 18, 2003 Report Share Posted November 18, 2003 And finally, there was a person who sent ten different puns to this list, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. Sakarissa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EternusIV Posted November 18, 2003 Report Share Posted November 18, 2003 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sssarass Posted November 18, 2003 Report Share Posted November 18, 2003 Hey Kurassier, isn't it, What does a semi-agnostic, dyslexic,insomniac do. Stays awake all night wondering if there is a Dog... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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